Dreaming?

Today I was dreaming. I know, it’s not a surprise, it’s not even breaking news. So, what? It’s me. I felt soft and light, my whole body was shivering for a touch. An overwhelming ray pulled me to brightness. I woke up and I was angry. I kept saying to myself: “it’s not true, life is experience and as long as you live you cannot fail.” I realized I was mad at Sartre. He said once: “the story of every life is the story of failure.” Wrong. If he would still be alive we would have had to argue about it. Maybe I could have shown him the wide opened eyes of my soul and he could have believed…

Today’s motto is: “Nothing I can touch from horizons is ever enough. I want everything allover again.” I feel like the sea. Oh, that didn’t convince you? It’s not clear? Good. There’s nothing clear about the sea. There’s deepness and color, struggle and foam, screaming and softens, light, sadness, but always strength, always returns and perseverance.

I have all these quotes in my head. Maybe if I write them down, I’ll feel relieved. “Life is a continuous run towards death.” How sad is that? How much can someone hurt to find no hope? And what is death, anyway? Why is it scary? Why do we let ourselves live in fear? Fear of what?

Today it rained on me. The rain drops opened their arm and took me in. Cool, crisp and welcoming. It smelled like home. Like coming home. I needed to feel the joy of returns, that daring feeling of invincibility. I thought of the smells from the past. My high school days, spending nights at the Black Sea, playing bridge, listening to Pink Floyd. Feeling misunderstood. Looking inside and wanting out.

We part ways,
I take tears, dreams and optimism,
I place my childhood in my arms
And walk forward…
Then, I will wonder whispering
I miss… I miss… I miss