Beginning

This is lot harder than I thought. When I read this assignment, I thought… it’s a piece of cake. There are so many beginnings! Where do I begin?

I have enrolled in this writing class. 50 days, 50 assignments, 50 pages, 50 bucks. Why? Because I like to write, it keeps me sane, because Kim made me (for those of you who know Kim, you know that’s absolutely true), because I don’t have enough to do (right). It’s a beginning. I have started to think about me. I have started to care about what I like and what I don’t, about how I spend my time with myself and about what I do for myself.

I grew up in a strict, tight, gray environment. My parents loved me, my grandparents loved me, everyone loved me, but it was all loaded with responsibilities. I grew up fast and grew up tight. I kept withdrawing into this world of extreme imagination hosted inside my head and heart. I was happy there, but it felt that on the outside I wasn’t good enough. Why am I telling you all this? I was talking about doing something for myself. Yes, I started to do more of that. It’s still hard and I still have a lot of guilt associated with that, but it’s a start.

I feel fresh and powerful, full of unexpressed feelings and thoughts. I feel much older than I really am, but much more energetic than before. Before the beginning…