Resistance

I step outside. Outside of my mind. I can see my heart pumping, resisting to letting go of feelings. My heart seems suffocated in the crowd of thoughts, feelings and rocks. I look around and try to figure out the magic words. I need magic words, right? I think I need to stop this overwhelming feeling of too much feeling.

The world around us resists to letting go. The night doesn’t want to let go of darkness. The moon lingers in the sky even when it is obvious that the sun is there. The leaves do not want to fall off the trees, the parents do not want to let their children grow. Who am I to decide that letting go is the thing to do?

My heart is still beating. That’s good, I think. I am inside my mind and I know I should leave. I need to live outside of my mind, my thoughts should be my companions not my rulers, my feelings should call before they show up… I’ve managed to grow a pretty spoiled bunch of feelings. They come and make themselves at home. Next thing I know they completely moved in.

I am here. I am sorting through my years. It’s spring cleaning. My first. I promise, there is no resistance this time. I will only keep what I need… It’s a beautiful, sunny day. I’ll keep this one.