Flame

It’s getting dark outside. It’s that moment in between times: the sun looks tired, but still tries to give it its all. I look at the sky and wait. The colors change. It’s amber right now. Soft amber in the month of August. Flames in the sky. It’s interesting… it should get hot soon. I just want to stay here and watch the flames. It maybe just the fear of turning towards myself…

I have to warm up to my own flames now. It’s really dark and cold outside. I am a child, a serious, brown eyed girl who doesn’t smile too much. Everyone thinks I’m just quiet, they may think I’m cold. I am really busy inside, trying to sort out what’s ashes and amber and flames. When I finish, I’ll be old. I just hope I won’t be too old to care. Or too cold.

I miss your embraces. I miss feeling protected and safe. I miss being the happy, serious, brown eyed girl I have never been. I want to have been able to run out and jump in your arms and feel truly happy when you came. Instead, I always wondered if I was enough. Always trying to be more. So much trying, that I forgot to be.

I am not putting out my flames anymore. They will always burn.